seeds of time

even though it was twelve years ago, i clearly remember rushing to click ‘delete’ as fast as i could. i didn’t want to read his words again. i didn’t want them to get through. i didn’t want to imagine him sending them as a last attempt to salvage a love that i never really felt. i simply didn’t want to be bothered by him anymore.

even though that message has long since gone, and i only read it once, i have never forgotten his words. only today, i realized that they were actually taken from macbeth,

if you can look into the seeds of time,

and say which grain will grow, and which will not,

then speak to me.

i know that my leaving was a terribly difficult thing for him to accept, and i know that it took him a very long time to heal and move on. he was an honest and good man and i feel foolish for so callously disregarding such a tender expression. if i could talk to him today, i would thank him for trying so hard to save our sinking ship and i would apologize for all the love that we never shared.

i hope that the seeds of time have been kind to him.


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