eighteen | year two
you’re ‘in it’ right now, aren’t you?
my mom always says that, when she can see i’m, like, working something out in my head, she’s like, ‘you’re in it right now’ and i’m looking at you telling this story, and you’re definitely ‘in it’.
it’s funny how such a simple exchange can say so much. in fact, that scene from garden state is one of my absolute favourites because it so big in such a small way. you know the one — the oversized fireplace in the oversized mansion devoid of any furnishings — golden light from the fire spilling out onto the wooden parquet floors and the boy and the girl on the hearth. they could be anyone — you, me, us, them — just two people, alone, together, sharing a moment. i can’t tell you just how visually stunning i find that image.
it came to me today when i realized that it’s barely halfway through the month of december and i’m already finding myself at a loss for words. the best part is that i know why: i’m ‘in it’ right now.
decembers can do that to me, and this year, in particular, seems to have me struggling a bit. i’ve been consumed with putting all the parts of the year into some semblance of order and then trying to coax out a meaning — a sum that might equal greatness — only it isn’t falling into place as easily as i’d planned. it’s not that this year has been bad by any measure, it’s just that i feel like i’m closing it out with more questions than answers, and perhaps a little less joy than i’d hoped. some years are like that.
i’ve no doubt that the answers will come, in due time, along with a sprinkling of joy, when it’s least expected — and that those things will be all the more beautiful because of spending these moments, in this month, in it.
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