fifteen | year three

(originially posted on december 15, 2006)

i think everyone who knows me will agree that i am a very reserved person. if you disagree than you either don’t know me at all, or you know me much too well. i happen to be someone who believes that words are powerful. i don’t feel comfortable slinging them around casually because i’ve come to understand that the echos can go on forever. in an instant i can recall the most hurtful thing that was ever said to me — the tone, the inflection, the words — they are all etched permanently in my mind. once said, something can never be unsaid.

perhaps that is why i have so many secrets.

i don’t think i’m the only one. it isn’t that i’m purposefully hiding things, it’s just that there are moments in my life that i choose not to share. i choose not to put them into words — some because they are too painful, others because they are too beautiful, and then there are a few that are just too sacred. it’s almost as if assigning words to them would place an artificial limit on the experience itself. the power of some moments is found in the spaces between words, in the things left unsaid, in the telling silences.

*december 15* is one of the days that i cannot put into words. it also happens to be one of the true defining moments of my life. the only person who knows of this day is the person who lived it with me. the real beauty of the experience is that it exists only for us. it is a ’shared’ secret that remains so through an absolute, unspoken trust. that day transformed, empowered and enlightened me. that day was a turning point in my life.

and just like that, i’ve already said too much.

the words get in the way of the message, which is this: your life can change in a moment. it isn’t important that you know what happened that december, only that i heard what i needed to hear — and that the message did not come in words.

sometimes you have to close your eyes to truly see.

*this* is my deepest secret.


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