Archive for November 2015

Twelve Weeks

Today, I would have been 12 weeks pregnant. It’s not lost on me how fitting the weather is — the raindrops are streaming down my window like tears. The air is heavy and quiet and grey. I’m physically at work, but my mind is elsewhere — thinking of all that could have been, and of […]

Look under your feet

I’m Still Here

It’s true, I am still here. I’m trying my best to carry on, whatever that means. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  This is the darkest place I’ve ever been.  I still don’t know the way out, if there is one.  I suspect there isn’t, so I’m trying my best to just get through […]

Two Years

You think because you understand one you must also understand two because one and one make two. But you must also understand and. (Rumi) It’s been two years, and I can still feel the sun on my face and your arms around me.  The air was cold that November day, but I didn’t notice.  It […]

IVF #2: Results

I choose to have the tissue from my D&C tested for genetic abnormalities.  The results came in this morning — our baby had a chromosomal abnormality, Trisomy 14, that was likely the cause of the miscarriage. It is somewhat comforting to know that something was wrong, that there was a reason, that it was not […]

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