let it go

no, i’m not quoting the goosebump-inducing disney movie, i’m quoting a bit of wisdom from my pal e.e.cummings:

just this.

i remembered this poem right when i needed it most. when i felt completely misunderstood, ignored, hurt, disrespected, and betrayed by someone i expected to treat me better. someone i thought was sensitive and compassionate. someone i thought knew about my current struggles, but instead, chose to ignore them to share news that was delivered in a heartless and self-centered way.

it was deeply painful and i spent way too many hours running it through my mind — what i should have said, how i should have reacted, how i should respond, how i should move on — and then, this poem. and now, i’m slowly letting it all go.

no, i haven’t forgotten. no, i haven’t forgiven.
the former will never happen. the latter, eventually.

i’m coming to realize that i won’t ever understand the choices that were made. i certainly don’t agree with them and would have chosen differently if the situation were reversed. what i do know is that i’ve learned some things, both about this person, and, more importantly, about myself. about my own expectations. about my own conduct. about how highly i value compassion. about the lengths i will go to be heard, even when it’s difficult, uncomfortable.

this is me learning to let it all go.

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